


Stars

by Benedicthiddleston



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Depressing, Gen, Post-Five Year Mission, Sad, Songfic, Soulmates, Space Husbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-29
Updated: 2013-07-29
Packaged: 2017-12-21 17:42:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/903038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Benedicthiddleston/pseuds/Benedicthiddleston
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock has too much time on his hands to reflect upon his t'hy'la - the one and only Jim. </p><p>Songfic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Songfic. Song is "Stars" by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. The song is the bolded/italicized parts. I don't own the song.
> 
> And I definitely don't own Star Trek or any entity therein. Thanks for understanding :)
> 
> Unbeta-ed

_**I lit a fire with the love you left behind,** _  
_**And it burned wild and crept up the mountainside.** _  
_**I followed your ashes into outer space** _  
_**I can't look out the window,** _  
_**I can't look at this place,** _

Quiet. Restless, but quiet.

The darkness was harrowing.

The silence unnerving.

Meditation did nothing to still his fast beating heart.

Nothing gave him solace at this time.

He sighed, getting up from his position for the eighth time that night. The window nearby was unhindered by lights: by the artificial glow made by cities and night life. The stars – they burned brightly, with an intensity he had never seen before

 _He loved the stars. The exploration of space. It was his nature to go head first into a mission with disregard to himself. His excitement, his love for the stars and their beauty was enough. His love for the_ Enterprise _and its crew was enough_.

 _He was enough. For me_.  
  
 ** _I can't look at the stars,_**  
 ** _They make me wonder where you are_**  
 ** _Stars,_**  
 ** _Up on heaven's boulevard_**  
 ** _And if I know you at all,_**  
 ** _I know you've gone too far_**  
 ** _So I, I can't look at the stars_**

Outside, the cold hit him with a fiery vengeance – he was unaccustomed to the cold, coming from an originally desert planet that very rarely got below freezing.

Leaving behind the home he had been residing in for the past few days, he walked through the fields. His mind… elsewhere. His eyes on the sky, because this time he was alone.

 _Space. It’s amazing, isn’t it? I mean, we were in it for five years! It was amazing, ya know, Spock? Just, the feel of it. The everything_.

He had only barely understood.

And then Jim was gone. A remnant of a time that had passed in only a matter of seconds it seemed.  
  
 ** _All those times we looked up at the sky,_**  
 ** _Looking out so far,_**  
 ** _We felt like we could fly._**  
 ** _And now I'm all alone in the dark of night,_**  
 ** _The moon is shining,_**  
 ** _But I can't see the light,_**  
 ** _And I can't look at the_**

_His heart just gave out. We think it was a virus. We’re not sure. Because of the customs of humans, he had a Last Will and Testament. You were named and mentioned frequently, Mr. Spock._

And he had. Many times. In one document.

The house, now behind him, was his. The fields once owned by a Winona Kirk, transferred unwillingly to Jim, and now passed on to Spock himself – because who else would Jim leave his earthly possessions to other then his t’hy’la?

 _It’s weird, right? To be back on earth? You teaching, me… well, I have no idea what I’m going to do. The_ Enterprise _was my life, other than you. And with Scotty nursing a cousin and Bones back with JoAnna and Chekov off married to Sulu, I mean – what other then feeling content I gave my ship an amazing time among the stars for a few years?_

Spock could still hear his t’hy’la’s laugh over that statement shortly after the _Enterprise_ had docked in port after a thrilling (Jim’s words, not his) five year mission in uncharted space. Jim had always been the one to see good in others. Even Nero. And Khan.

_**Stars,** _  
_**They make me wonder where you are** _  
_**Stars,** _  
_**Up on heaven's boulevard** _  
_**And if I know you at all,** _  
_**I know you've gone too far** _  
_**So I, I can't look at the stars** _

The fields, maintained by a housekeeper who was about thirty years old and an introvert, were a place to hide away when the shadows became too much inside the house. The house was a place to sleep and eat when he needed them, but worth nothing more to him. He was half-Vulcan – he could run on less sleep and less food then his human counterparts. But he was also half-Human, which made his heart ache for what he was missing. The fields brought little solace, but some comfort. He imagined childhood Jim running through the fields, screaming as his brother George ran behind him. He imagined imaginary games of space ship and star exploration.

The stars – they were magnificent from the fields. Shining bright. Shining bold.

_We were out there, Spock. Us, together! Every star we saw, every planet we visited. It held so much promise, and it gave so much! I’m so glad we went._

Every glance to the stars above brought an ache Spock could not control. Tears. Tears of anguish. The last words his t’hy’la had ever spoken to him had been from a hospital bed. He had gotten a cough and a fever one moment, and the next – he had passed onto whatever came next after this life.

_I love you, Spock. Now go home. Rest, please. You’ve been here since they brought me in. You haven’t eaten. I don’t want you to end up in here next to me, especially since I’ll go home tomorrow on meds and we can see your new classroom and oh, I have to show you this amazing restaurant Uhura showed me when we were in Academy._

He could still hear the coughing. But it didn’t overshadow the smile he still saw in his mind. The excitement. _The true love_.

_**Stars,** _  
_**Stars,** _  
_**They make me wonder where you are** _  
_**Stars,** _  
_**Up on heaven's boulevard** _  
_**And if I know you at all,** _  
_**I know you've gone too far** _  
_**So I can't look at the stars.** _

“The stars were our home for five years, Jim. You were my Captain. And oh _how I miss you already…_ Wherever you are, beyond those stars, I hope you know I’m here, watching over everyone. Watching for you. _Because I can’t help but wonder… wonder where you are… don’t go, my love… don’t go…_ ”


End file.
